found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
