Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
