When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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