Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize