Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
