I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
