And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
