dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My feet surprised me
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