Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
