she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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