My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
