bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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