we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
