I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
