He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
