I can text with my tongue
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
