we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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