:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
