Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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