So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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