I accidentally burped into my bong.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
