do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
