im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
