my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize