You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
