I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
