is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
