i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
