You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
