I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
