i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
