i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
