Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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