had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
