My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
