in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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