I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
