ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
