I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
