I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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