For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
