we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
