We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
