If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
