I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
