I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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