I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I just threw up on my dentist
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
