If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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