I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
