I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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