Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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