Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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