If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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