Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
