It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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