woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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