You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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