i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
