How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
