Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
