I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
