I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
