You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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