today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Randomize
