I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
