I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
