Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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