It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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