the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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