Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
