He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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