Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Another day, another engagement, another cat
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
