well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
