This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
