Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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