JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
