4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
