we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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