I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
