apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
